jack\ bauer

jack\ bauer
1. (Jack Bauer) (1357↑, 106↓)
Chuck Norris is tough, but Jack Bauer is tougher. Walker Texas Ranger never had to deal with Terrorist and get things done in 24 hours….or did he? Anyway, Jack Bauer is tough, and he is the new man with the Random Facts.

1.If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life. 2.Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man. 3.If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice. 4.Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact. 5.Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk. 6.Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer. 7.Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent. 8. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight. 9.If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re fucked. 10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys. 11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away. 12.If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars. 13.When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out. 14.Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed. 15.If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you. 16.Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to. 17.Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack fucking Bauer. 18.Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you. 19.As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time\!” 20.While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors. 21.Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours. 22.Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it. 23.Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once. 24.Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry. 25.Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW\!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies. 26.If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 minutes to live. 27.When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade. 28.Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people. 29.David Spade always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles. 30.Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…

2. (jack bauer) (528↑, 114↓)
Head of field operations for CTU on fox's 24, Now special assistant to the secretary of state Heller. Two words- BAD ASS

My name is jack bauer and i am a federal agent\! Now put your hands behind your fucking head\!

3. (Jack Bauer) (431↑, 86↓)
1) noun. Leader of the Counter-Terrorist Unit's Field Operations. Guaranteed to have at least one atrocious day a year. 2) verb. the act of performing an act of heroic immensity.

1) I'm Jack Bauer. I'll kill you from 200 yards away with a sniper rifle, eat lunch and enjoy myself while doing so. 2) "Don't make me Jack Bauer your ass."

4. (Jack Bauer) (245↑, 57↓)
Verb. To save the United States from going to war with three Middle Eastern Countries only hours after you flat-line and were revived by a clinic OD.

I Jack Bauered your ass\! Kim Jack Bauered that mountain lion upon encountering it in the woods.

5. (jack bauer) (208↑, 43↓)
the best of the best. head of the CTU field agents and the most fearless and flat out coolest guy ever to be on a TV screen... ever

"yo what happened on 24 last night" "nothin much...jack bauer just drove a van through a building and single handedly killed all the terrorists, no big deal"

6. (Jack Bauer) (182↑, 68↓)
The guy who was man enough to have sex with Terri for the greater good. now we have Kim, the human equivilent of sliced bread

I love jack Bauer so much i bought his daughter over Ebay

7. (Jack Bauer) (116↑, 37↓)
1.) Jack Bauer, a Field Agent on TV program 24. Aleneng, a superhero and an all round cool dude. Kinda like action man but with better hair. Works for CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit), Los Angeles. 2.) To pull a Jack Bauer is to perform a heroic act, such as save the world from evil Middle Eastern terrorists (who always seem to be working with the British. Well that's a compliment.).

1.) Wow, Jack Bauer saved the world again. Too bad he has a dumb ass daughter like Kim who went off with some ugly prick in series 3. 2.) Look i saved the world again. I'm such a Jack Bauer\!

8. (jack bauer) (67↑, 10↓)
A mixed drink made of Red Bull and Jack Daniels. So named as it will keep you going for 24 hours.

I was at the bar and feeling kind of sluggish so I ordered a Jack Bauer to pick me up for the evening.

9. (jack bauer) (69↑, 16↓)
The death of Chuck Norris

Everyone thought CHuck Norris was cool, until Jack Bauer came and kicked his ass

10. (jack bauer) (90↑, 39↓)
v. jack bauer 1. to hurry 2. to run out of time

I Jack Bauered that project last week.

11. (Jack Bauer) (50↑, 13↓)
The Leading Cause Of Death In Middle Eastern Men And Russian Mercenaries.

No Examples Can Describe What Jack Bauer Would Do If He Catches Fornicating Hard With His Daughter.

12. (Jack Bauer) (59↑, 24↓)
Head of operations for CTU Owns terrorists and McLennon-Forester troops

Messed w/ Marwan phone lines, forcing Marwan to blow up the factory.

13. (Jack Bauer) (67↑, 33↓)
1. Proper noun meaning the all mighty and powerful terroist killer. see [best] or [greatest] or even [ultimate] 2. A crappy counterstrike player most of the time. Can be good if playing scrubs or gimps. See [scrub].

Jack Bauer is the best character in action drama television ever.

14. (Jack Bauer) (55↑, 25↓)
damn he rocks, hes the manliest guy on tv. and as for his daughter kim all i can say is daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn

jack bauer rocks so hard it hurts

Author: jacksbiggestfan http://jack-bauer.urbanup.com/169031
15. (Jack Bauer) (38↑, 12↓)
The most awesome character to have ever hit T.V

There would be no 24 without Jack Bauer

16. (Jack Bauer) (14↑, 3↓)
1) n. the most god-like, terrifying superhuman entity known to man. 2) v. to complete a task no matter how impossible that task may seem.

1) When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death. OR Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness 2) Mission Impossible is just another way of saying Mission Without Jack Bauer.

17. (jack bauer) (21↑, 11↓)
jack bauer's name except for as a verb meaning to injure or hurt with force or violence

Don't make me Jack Bauer your ass. I will Jack Bauer those terrorists.

18. (jack bauer) (22↑, 12↓)
The man that can kill 40 people in 1 minute(30 if he's been shot)

Okay we got 5 people in that room and 30 people in the next, so Jack Bauer you're going in.

Author: houjhkhj kfgkjfgj http://jack-bauer.urbanup.com/2177248
19. (Jack Bauer) (43↑, 33↓)
A true hero, and I wanna be him, and also be IN his daughter

Jack Bauer is a fu**ing legend\!

20. (Jack Bauer) (16↑, 7↓)
Named after the TV character, a term used to describe the act of staying awake for 24 hours straight.

There was so much work to do, I had to pull a Jack Bauer to get it done in time.

Author: redzeoranger2007 http://jack-bauer.urbanup.com/2389470
21. (Jack Bauer) (49↑, 40↓)
Jack Bauer is SOL... no, not shit outta luck. Sex On Legs. ;)

Jack Bauer is sex on legs... and Kiefer isn't bad either\!

22. (jack bauer) (14↑, 10↓)
Verb: Meaning to open up a serious can of "whoop ass" on a person or group of people in such a way that it is quite clear which of the parties involved got his or her ass kicked.

Did you see that fight between Nate and Martin? Yeah. He totally Jack Bauered his ass\!

23. (Jack Bauer) (3↑, 1↓)
Drinking a beer in the shower while masturbating.

It was hot out and I couldn't sleep, so I treated myself to a Jack Bauer to take the edge off.

24. (Jack Bauer) (15↑, 15↓)
1. To Be Up For 24 Hours Or More. 2. Something Than Happens To Terrorist. 3. A Card You Don't Want To Play. 4. Something You Say When Someone Is Harassing You For Info.

News Reporter: Numerous Terrorist Around the Globe Have Been Killed By an Unknown Gunner brandishing a Silenced Nine millimeter. Me: Must Be Jack Bauer.

25. (Jack Bauer) (11↑, 14↓)
THE MAN. huge pimp

jack bauer is god, enough said.

Author: i love jack bauer http://jack-bauer.urbanup.com/1617060
26. (Jack Bauer) (0↑, 13↓)
A man who enjoys dominant roleplay in the bedroom, having his partner at his complete mercy and torturing them until they submit to his will. A male version of a dominatrix, if you will. So named for the lead character of the hit Fox series "24", Jack Bauer will do whatever it takes to thwart terrorism and is notorious for his brutal interrogation methods.

I heard her boyfriend's a total Jack Bauer; I never thought she was into that kind of thing. or Yeah, I pulled a Jack Bauer on her. She was begging me to let her do me by the time I was done.

27. (Jack Bauer) (3↑, 17↓)
Verb: To Jack Bauer someone is the act of taking ones penis and stabbing it through someones skull into the brain, instantly killing them.

Man... I just Jack Bauered that bitch\! I was loosing the fight but I was finally able to get ahold of his head and I Jack Bauered him. He is such a badass... he totally Jack Bauered that guy\! I was supposed to be put asleep for killing someone but I asked the council to reconsider so I could be Jack Bauered.

28. (jack bauer) (11↑, 27↓)
The demented offspring of wild drunken sex between Chuck Norris and Satan.

Jack Bauer: *Strangles terrorist* WHERE IS THE FUCKING BASE? DAMIIT YOU ARE OUT OF TIME\!\! Terrorist: *gargles and struggles for breath* mmmmpphhh...mmmmph... Jack Bauer: *Shoots terrorist in kneecap* Terrorist: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA\!\!\!\!\!\!\!

Author: Nathaniel Reebus http://jack-bauer.urbanup.com/2637094
29. (Jack Bauer) (1↑, 18↓)
A man shoots a woman and inserts his penis into the bullet wound.

I Jack Bauer'd a girl last night.

30. (jack bauer) (13↑, 41↓)
Refers to the crystalline portion of marijuana known as keef, aka keefer aka "Kiefer Sutherland".

Dude, I only got a little of that Jack Bauer left, but it'll put you on your ASS\!

Related: 24, bauer, ctu, jack, chuck norris, awesome, badass, kiefer sutherland, bauer hour, tony almeida, jack bauer power hour, tv, amazing, cia, death, epic, fox, shit, beer, chloe o'brian, crap, dammit, david palmer, fbi, god, gun, jesus, orgasm, power hour, terrorist, twenty four, weed, 2040, 24gasm, 24gy, 40, actor, bauer power, best, cock
Last updated: 2012.03.01

Urban English dictionary. 2013.

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